What is the point?

I have this recurring dream that am holding a pistol in my hand just staring at it. It is a bold silver polished desert eagle type. After starring at the gun for a while I then point it at the person standing motionless in front of me. I can not see their face but I know they are familiar. I begin to cry. I want to pull the trigger so bad but I can't. I then take the gun and point it at me. I then shoot my self in the stomach and fall to my knees and wait to bleed out. Everything slowly gets darker. A smile comes across my face as I fall on my face.

What does this mean?

If I could paint a picture (in words) of how I feel it would look something like this:

I am sitting in a corner of a really big, dark room. I can see no one, only hear them. I hear many voices with many emotions. Some voices express concern, some anger, most others don't even know I am there. All voices are familiar. The room seems very large. I extend my arms as far as possible and can feel no one. I can not move I am bound by something. I know there is a door in the room for which my freedom is awaiting; however, the door is locked and I can not see the door. The only light in the room is a single beam of which the key is illuminated. The light comes from a single unbreakable window with no view of the out side. When looking though it, it is only a gray sky and no ground. An endless, gray see of nothingness. I see many walk into the light and retrieve the key, but they disappear into the light leaving the key behind for others. They do not look afraid when they reach the light. I watch silently as one by one those around me go into the light. First my mother, then Nick, then Leah, then Torey, then Uncle Gene, then Uncle Wayne, then Aunt Sarah. Many more pass through the light these where the only ones that truly touched me. I saw only one that grabbed the key and walked out the door, My father. The sound of the door closing behind him scared me.

It seems that I can not talked to any one in the room for long before I can not hear them any longer. They either get to the key or they disappear. I feel all alone. I can not move. Can some one help me.